- Professor Lillian? - Buffy.
I'm sorry that I missed the lecture today. Was it good?
Of course it was.
- Do you want me to try? - Yes. Thanks.
The slide is stuck in the thing.
OK.
I just came by to tell you that I have to drop this class.
All my classes, actually.
I'm not finishing the semester.
I wish...
I just... I can't be in school right now.
I have to take care of my sister.
Yes. I thought you might.
I was very sorry to hear about your loss.
I have these forms from the registrar's office that I need you to sign.
Oh. Yes.
Thanks.
Is there something else?
No.
Yes. Yeah.
I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this class.
I mean, I knowthat I wasn't the best student, but I really learned a lot.
And I really like poetry.
I really do.
- Sorry. - I'm glad you like poetry, Buffy.
I wish I had time for it. But I just don't right now.
Well, maybe short poems.
Yeah. Like those Japanese ones that... sound like a sneeze?
- Haiku? - Right.
Maybe those. And hopefully I'll be back next semester.
When I'm more myself again.
Benjamin. This is a pleasant surprise.
- I'm sorry I'm late. - You're not late.
- But, sir... - You can't be late to a job you don't have.
Interestingly enough, I've decided to give your job to someone who'll actually do it.
Honest to God, I've been calling you for two weeks. Where have you been?
I didn't wanna... I'm sorry to fire you, but I need somebody I can count on.
I haven't been here...
I haven't been here in two weeks. There's an explanation for this.
Which I can't exactly give you.
I... Can I just tell you it's not my fault?
Sure. You can also tell me that the dog ate your homework,
or maybe eating Twinkies made you do it,
or maybe, yeah, that there's really a wicked, demonic creature living inside you
that takes control of your body and forces you to do its bidding.
Take responsibility for your actions, Ben.
All right. This...
Oh, forget it. Just forget it.
This is so unfair. You're taking everything away.
Everything I worked for, I earned, I care about.
These are my choices. This is my life, and you're ruining it!
No. No.
Not here. Not now, please.
I'm Ben. I'm Ben. I'm Ben.
I'm Ben. I'm Ben. I'm Ben. I'm Ben! I'm Ben!
I'm hungry.
We got this part right, that's for sure.
Lot of sucky things in this dimension. Bubble baths? Not one of'em.
- Know what I mean? - I am in thunderous agreement,
O glittering, glistening Glorificus.
I wasn't talking to you.
Begging your pardon, and begging in general, but were you talking to me?
Yeah, right. Like any of you have ever bathed anyway.
Oh, but we do, Your Scrumptiousness.
We bathe in your splendiferous radiance, your...
How aboutyou shut up and listen to me, you disgusting little fools?
OK.
Now, I asked for the Key, and you brought me a vampire.
A pulseless, impure, follicly fried vampire.
Loofah.
So, what I think we have here
is a failure for you to do your frickin' jobs.
Pardon my French.
Mimosa.
Vitamins.
So rack your minion brains and tell me everything you saw
when you were spying on Buffy and her wacky pals.
Everything.
- Then I'll figure out who the Key is. - You lied to me?
Didn't... lie... exactly.
Really? What about all the times I asked you how school was and you said "fine"?
Well, it was.
You didn't ask if I was in it when it was fine.
I don't know what to say. I'm sure you're aware that the past few months, you know,
have been kind of hard for Dawn. Not that I'm saying that's an excuse.
I understand. Your mother was a lovely woman, and we'll all miss her very much.
- I know how difficult it must be. - It is. Especially for Dawn.
She's just a kid.
Well,
I think we both knowthat Dawn is a lot more than " just a kid".
She's a talented young girl with a sharp mind,
when she puts the effort in.
I realise there's been some ball-dropping, but I'm sure this will all...
Dawn, why don'tyou wait outside for a few minutes?
Honey. Old saying: "A watched customer never buys."
They would if they were patriotic.
OK, I'm goin' in.
- Patriotic? - Yes.
I've recently come to realise there's more to me than just being human.
I'm also an American.
I suppose you are, in a manner of speaking. You were born here. Your mortal self.
Well, that's right, foreigner.
So I've read a lot about the good old "us of A",
embracing the precious ideology that's helped to shape and define it.
- Democracy? - Capitalism.
A free market dependent on the exchange of goods for currency.
A system of symbiotic beauty, apparently lost on these old people.
Look at 'em. Perusing the shelves.
Undressing the merchandise with their eyeballs. All ogle, no cash.
It's not just annoying, it's un-American.
Appalling. Almost as if they no longer think money can buy happiness.
Totally un-American. Oh, and you know what else is un-American?
- French people. - You don't say.
From what I hear, they don't tip. French old people? That's really the bottom of the barrel.
An, how's about we try being a bit less prejudiced and a bit more inclusive?
Not us, justyou.
Fine. I'm gonna make those fogeys buy things.
Hey, what's up? It's Dawn Giovanni and the Buffster.
- Hi. - Hey, everybody.
- Everything went well at the university? - Yep. I'm all dropped out.
Good on you. Welcome to the real world.
Lot of fun to be had on the outside. You'll see.
It's just for now. I thinkthat I'll probably go back next semester.
That's cool, too. Whatever you choose, you've got my support. Just think of me as...
as your...
I'm searching for supportive things, and I'm comin' up all bras, so something more manly.
Think of me as that.
Seriously. Whatever you need.
Thank you. Actually, I need to talkto Giles alone for a minute.
Cool.
Dawn, why don'tyou get started on your homework?
If you need help... Will, could you?
OK.
I just don't know what I'm gonna do.
She's messing up. I'm messing up. It's a mess.
- You'll just have to putyour foot down. - I try.
It's just... my foot's not used to being put down.
I wantyou to do it. You can be the foot-putting-downer.
- No, Buffy. I don't think I can. - Please?
Pretty please? I mean, your foot is way bigger than mine.
And you're so much more a grown-up than me.
Dawn needs an authority figure, a strong guiding hand. She'll listen to you.
Like you always have.
I listen.
I do.
Then perk up your ears.
I may be a grown-up, butyou're her family.
Her only real family now. She needs you to do this.
Right.
She needs me.
Me, the grown-up.
The authority figure. The strong guiding hand and stompy foot that is me.
That's the spirit.
OK.
- I can do this. - I know you can.
- Please? - No.
OK.
Here we go.
Early to bed, early to rise, balanced breakfast, hospital corners. It's a new beginning.
Discipline. Authority.
Order.
What is this? I thought I told you to do your homework.
- I was. - Please don't lie to me.
- I'm not. - We were acting out a geometry problem.
Cos I read this really neat article that said
kids learn math better if you stimulate their visual learning pattern.
You know, using the right side of the brain instead of just the left?
Stuff like that.
So we made a triangle with our bodies. And that's when I called Xander obtuse.
And he got really grumpy. And then Dawn said we were "a cute" triangle.
And, well, hilarity ensued.
Right. Well, you know what I think?
I think maybe Dawn should do her homework at home.
But it was working. I was really learning.
Please getyour stuff.
Fine. Don't listen to me.
Please don't be grouchy with her.
Who among us can resist the allure of really funny math puns?
It's really important that Dawn finishes her schoolwork.
Yeah, I know. But we were having good, clean, educational fun,
and then all of a sudden it was all gloom and doom and the outlawing of human triangles.
It's really important that Dawn finishes her schoolwork right now.
I know it is, and I'm a big fan of school.
You know me. I'm like, "Go to school. It's your birthday."
Or something to that effect.
I knowthatyou mean well. Butyou just don't understand, and there's no way you could.
I do so understand, and...
- You're stressed out. - I'm more than stressed out. I'm freaked out.
Yeah, well, maybe you need a break, to de-freak.
You could go to the World Culture Fair if you want to, with me and Tara.
- I don't think so. - Come on. You can bring Dawn.
It'll be fun. Good, educational-type fun,
in a discipline-y sort of way.
I can't do it, Will.
Don't worry. It's not like I don't have a life.
I do. I have Dawn's life.
Ready?
So it's her. Under our noses all this time.
I like the detailed workthose monks did.
Quirks, foibles, passions.
It's all so cute, so... human.
You know? Pretty convincing, really.
But not convincing enough.
You all know your assignments.
I think it's time to collect the Key.
It wasn't anything, really. Buffy was just a little crabby at Dawn about her schoolwork.
- Well, it's understandable. - Yeah, sure it is.
I'd totally be blowing off classes if I were in Dawnie's shoes.
Sweetie, you wouldn't blow off a class if your head was on fire.
- And I meant Buffy. - Buffy what?
Understandable, about the crabby. She has to look after Dawn now.
Yeah, but not in a Miss Minchin's Select Seminary for Girls way.
She's just gonna make Dawnie more rebellious.
I had to deal with my brother's problems after...
I mean, you can't really know what it's like to...
Yeah, I knowthat.
- I didn't mean to... - No. I just...
I know I can't know whatyou went through.
But I just... It's no big.
- I made you mad. - No. No.
- All I meant was... - It's OK. This Buffy thing, let's just forget it.
No, please. I mean, tell me if I said something wrong.
Otherwise I know I'll say it again. Probably often and in public.
No. I was Snippy Gal.
It's just... I know I can't...
On some level...
It's like my opinion isn't worth anything because I haven't been through...
I didn't lose my mom, so I don't know.
Well, I'm not the expert.
I mean, I've only lost the one.
Do I act like the Big Knowledge Woman?
No.
Is that "no" spelled y-e-s?
S-o-r-t of.
I mean, I just feel like the junior partner.
You've been doing everything longer than me.
You've been out longer. You've been practising witchcraft way longer.
Butyou're way beyond me there. In just a few...
I mean, it frightens me how powerful you're getting.
That's a weird word.
"Getting"?
It frightens you?
- I frighten you? - That is so not what I meant.
I meant impresses. Impressive.
Well, I took Psych 101. I mean, I took it from an evil government scientist
who was skewered by her Frankenstein-like creation,
but I know what a Freudian slip is.
Don'tyou trust me?
- With my life. - That's not what I mean.
- Can't we just go to the fair? - I don't feel real multicultural right now.
What is it about me thatyou don't trust?
It's not that. I worry, sometimes.
You're changing so much, so fast.
- I don't know where you're heading. - Where I'm heading?
- I'm saying everything wrong. - No. I think you're being pretty clear.
This isn't about the witch thing. It's about my other changes.
I trustyou. I just...
I don't know where I'm gonna fit in, in your life, when...
When I change back?
Yeah, this is a college thing, just a little experimentation
before I get over the thrill and head backto Boys Town.
- You thinkthat? - Should I?
I'm really sorry that I didn't establish my lesbo street cred
before I got into this relationship.
You're the only woman I've ever fallen in love with, so...
how on earth could you ever take me seriously?
- Willow, please. - Have fun at the fair.
OK. So I thinkthe next step is to make a chart, a schedule.
I'll write down the things you're supposed to do and when to do them.
Then I'll leave a box next to it, which you can mark with an X when you've done the task.
What?
You want gold stars? OK. You can have gold stars.
I don't want gold stars.
I don't want any of this.
I'm just trying to give you a normal life.
Good luck.
What? What am I doing wrong now?
This is for real, Dawn.
No, it's not.
I'm not real, so why would my exciting graph of chores be real?
Who cares if a Key gets an education anyway?
It's a chart, not a graph. And you are real.
Yeah? Those monks put grades K through eight in my head.
Can't we just wait and see if they drop nine in there too?
Damn it, Dawn. This is serious.
Why? Why should I care about any of this?
Because they'll take you away!
Take me away?
What do you mean?
They'll take you away from me.
That's whatyour principal told me when you weren't in the room.
If I can't make you go to school,
then I won't be found fit to be your legal guardian.
Where would I go?
I don't know.
Dad, maybe. Or foster care.
I didn't really wanna ask.
You could've told me that.
I just did.
Is this seat taken?
I hope this isn't a return.
Everyone wants petrified hamsters, and they're never happy with them.
You all right?
Yeah.
Ah, yes, because your good mood is both obvious and contagious.
I had a fight with Tara. It was awful.
- Oh, I'm sorry. - Me, too.
- You two don't quarrel much, do you? - Never. Until today.
- Well, it's over. - Over?
How can it be over? I just found her.
The quarrel is over.
Yeah.
You'll feel better when you've apologised and know you can fight without the world ending.
I know it all seems bleak now but, as they say, "This too...
shall pass."
- Wow! - What do we have here?
- He's one of those things that work for Glory. - Yes. How helpful.
I do indeed work for the god. Let me go if you do not wish to incur her anger.
Well, she's not here. What a marvellous opportunity for you and me to talk.
I will not betray Glorificus. I will never talk, no matter what heinous torture...
Actually, you're talking quite a lot, just not about the right things.
Tell us why you're here.
No words shall pass my lips that would bring peril to Glorificus.
Girls, get the twine that's on the counter. Let's tie him up.
Don't! I'll tell you anything. Please.
Whatever you want. Just... Anything.
- What happened? - He changed his mind.
I'm... I'm supposed to watch.
We're watching the Slayer's people while Glory fetches the Key.
- Glory knows who the Key is? - Oh, God.
- We've gotta call Buffy. - Too late. Too late.
Glorificus will find the witch and you can't stop her.
- Witch? What do you mean? - Tara.
She's new among you. It wasn't hard to figure out. The Glorious One will have found her.
- Willow, wait. I'll... - No. Call Buffy and go look in Tara's room.
I'm gonna checkthe fair.
This is nice.
Just hangin' out, just us girls.
You like this sort of thing, don'tyou?
Don't make a sound.
Nah. They won't help you. I'd kill them. You knowthat.
There's no one here that can stop me.
I'll kill her and...
and them.
I'll kill him and her and her. And it'll all be your fault.
Kinda funny, isn't it? All these people here and...
no one who can do a thing, not a person who can help you.
But that's people for ya. They're pretty worthless.
But Keys, on the other hand,
Keys are worth a very lot.
You lying little tramp. You're not the Key. You're nothing.
Just another worthless human being! I hate being lied to.
It makes me feel so betrayed.
You wanna make it all better?
If you tell me who the Key really is, I'll letyou go.
Think about it. You think your hand hurts?
Imagine whatyou'd feel with my fingers wiggling in your brain.
It doesn't kill you.
What it does...
is make you feel like you're in a noisy little dark room,
naked and ashamed.
And there are things in the dark that need to hurtyou because you're bad.
Little pinching things that go in your ears
and crawl on the inside of your skull.
And you know, if the noise and the crawling would stop,
thatyou could remember howto get out.
Butyou never, ever will.
Who is the Key?
Fine.
Let's get crazy.
Tara!
Tara! By the force of heart and mindful power,
by waning time at the waxing hour,
I... when I decree...
What is it? What is it?
No! No!
...that she I love must now be free!
Tara!
No!
Tara? Tara, are you OK?
It's dirty. It's all dirty.
And all over me. Dirty. Dirty.
I'm bad. Bad.
Tara!
Tara, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry.
Can't she go home now?
Unfortunately, no. Hospital policy dictates we keep her for the night.
But does she have to? I can take care of her at home.
It's poisoned. Why did I tell you that? It has to be checked, though.
- She your sister? - It has to be verified.
Anyone can tell you that. Of course. Of course, of course.
She's my everything.
You can get her released in the morning. But she must spend one night in the psych ward.
Just for observation. We'll keep an eye on her, do a couple of basic tests,
then you take her home. Does that sound fair?
Well, sit tight, then, and I'll send a nurse by in few minutes to pick up Tara.
Man, words cannot express how much I hate this place.
- It's dreadful. - It's like communism.
Will, I'm so sorry.
They kill mice.
Tara.
I'm sorry it took me so long. But Dawn's safe with Spike, so I can stay as long as you need.
- I'm so scared. - Nothin' to be worried about, kid.
No one's gonna hurtyou.
Oh, yeah? The same "no one" who did that to you?
What, these? It's just a few bruises. Nothin' to write home about.
Hey, chin up, platelet.
And don't get scared. Maybe Glory doesn't wanna kill you. Maybe it's something...
Worse?
- Hey. - You wanna know what I'm scared of, Spike?
Me.
Right now, Glory thinks Tara's the Key.
But I'm the Key, Spike.
I am.
And anything that happens to Tara...
is cos of me.
Your bruises, your limp...
that's all me, too.
I'm like a lightning rod for pain and hurt.
And everyone around me suffers and dies.
I must be something so horrible...
to cause so much pain and evil.
Rot.
What do you know?
I'm a vampire.
I know somethin' about evil.
You're not evil.
Maybe I'm not evil.
But I don't think I can be good.
Well, I'm not good, and I'm OK.
Don't! Please don't with that treachery!
I told the cats. And now I beg my mother sitting all alone.
Bye, Tara. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you.
Willow. No. It's just for one night.
Yeah, I know, but... it's a whole night.
I don't think I can sleep without her.
You can sleep with me.
Well, now, that came out a lot more lesbian than it sounded in my head.
Will, you just have to rest. OK? Right nowthere's nothing you can do.
Yes, there is.
No. No way. You cannot even think about taking on Glory.
You saw what she did. I can't let her get away with it.
No. You have to let her get away with it. Even I'm no match for her. You knowthat.
- But maybe I am. - You're not. And I won't letyou go.
This is notyour choice. It's mine.
This is not the time.
When, Buffy? When is? When youfeel like it?
When it's someone you love as much as I love Tara?
When it's Dawn? Is that it?
When we have a chance. We'll fight her when we have a chance.
You wouldn't last five minutes with her, Willow. She's a god.
Fine. I'll wait.
It's the only way.
Yeah.
- Can I do anything? - Just let me be alone.
You know, I think I'm a little buzzed from eating that witch!
What a mind she had! Mmm, nummy treat!
- But is Your Grace not concerned about... - What, about the Slayer? Don't be stupid.
I know I'm closing in. The Key's as good as mine.
A girl like Buffy's got just so many friends. All I gotta do is rip through 'em one by one,
until I finally...
Did anybody order an apocalypse?
Kali, Hera, Cronus, Tonic.
Air like nectar, thick as onyx.
- Cassiel, by your second star... - Ah. It's the lover.
- That's so cute. - ...hold mine victim as in tar.
I owe you pain!
- It's all my fault. - No.
Sweetheart, it is notyour fault.
How's Willow?
She was looking to go all payback-y on Glory for a minute.
But I cooled her down, a little.
Actually, a lot.
So she's not gonna do anything rash, then?
No. I explained there was no point.
What?
So you're saying that a powerful and mightily pissed-off witch
was plannin' on going and spillin' herself a few pints of god blood until you... what?
"Explained"?
You think she'd...? No.
I told Willow it would be like suicide.
I'd do it.
Right person.
Person I loved.
I'd do it.
Think, Buffy,
if Glory had done that to me.
Shatter.
Is that it? Is that the bestyou can do? You think I care about all this?
The apartment, the clothes?
Now, sucking on your girlfriend's mind?
That was something to treasure.
What's this? Bag of tricks?
Bag of knives.
Spirit of serpents, now appear.
Hissing, writhing, striking near.
Nowthis is getting weak.
And so are you, honey. Aren'tya?
No!
You know what they used to do to witches, lover? Crucify 'em.
They used to bow down to gods.
Things change.
That witch really slowed me down.
- Thicken. - This isn't over, you hear me?
It isn't over!
- Chicken salad? - Right here.
Eggplant, that's me. Salami with...
peanut butter?
Dawn.
Yeah, like eggplant is normal. It's what, half egg, half plant?
Cos that's just a natural.
What's Tara got?
I got her tuna. Does she like...
Tara?
Plastic and their six sisters.
Six sick sisters.
- Willow? - It's OK.
Let's just start slowtoday.
Buffy, could I have that?
Here you go.
That's my girl.
Can I help?
What are you gonna need?
I don't know. They gave me a lot of stuff to keep her calm.
They said I might have to restrain her at night.
But... sometimes she's fine.
She looks at me and... she's fine.
- I'm sorry I couldn't... - It's OK.
I can do this.
I'm gonna take care of her. Even if she never...
She's my girl.
I understand.
I know you do.
Hear that, baby?
You're my always.
- I told you this wasn't over. - No. The place is cracking!
It's cracking! Cracking! No, no!
No, Tara, it's OK.
Look at that. Look at that.
Oh, the light! Oh, it's so pure.
Such pure green energy.
Oh, it's so beautiful.